50 jokes · Clean & Family Friendly · Free to Share
Warning: These dad jokes are so bad they're good. Prepare for maximum eye-rolling, unexpected laughter, and the uncontrollable urge to share them with everyone you know.
50 jokes total
#1
Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
#2
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
#3
Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
#4
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work!
#5
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese!
#6
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she'll let it go!
#7
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
#8
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
#9
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
#10
I used to hate facial hair.
But then it grew on me.
#11
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino-snore!
#12
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up!
#13
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it!
#14
What do you call a fish without eyes?
A fsh!
#15
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?
He made a mint!
#16
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two-tired!
#17
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
#18
I asked the librarian if they had books about paranoia.
She whispered: 'They're right behind you!'
#19
Why did the golfer bring extra pants?
In case he got a hole in one!
#20
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
#21
Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
#22
How do you organize a space party?
You planet!
#23
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato!
#24
Why did the student eat his homework?
Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
#25
What do you call a snobby criminal going downstairs?
A condescending con descending!
#26
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot!
#27
I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places!
#28
What do you call a dinosaur that crashes their car?
Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
#29
Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed!
#30
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop!
#31
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
#32
What do you call a cow on a trampoline?
A milkshake!
#33
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn't peeling well!
#34
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved!
#35
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know y!
#36
Why can't Cinderella play soccer?
Because she always runs away from the ball!
#37
What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet!
#38
Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged!
#39
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Depresso!
#40
Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts!
#41
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
#42
Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
All of the fans left!
#43
What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Roberto!
#44
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn't see himself doing it!
#45
What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
A satisfactory!
#46
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.
It was sole destroying.
#47
Why did the math book look so sad?
Because it had too many problems!
#48
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrelephant!
#49
Did I tell you the joke about construction?
I'm still working on it!
#50
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?